Without going into the specific details (perhaps I will another day), I am living with the compound grief of multiple losses and deep disappointments.
I have been made to feel as though it isn’t normal to still be grieving (the initial loss was in 2010), and that I should have ‘got over it by now.
I had begun to wonder whether they were right, or perhaps my difficulty with adjusting to my grief, and the ‘new normal’ could be related to ADHD, Autism or Trauma. It may well be that any one or all of those are factors, but if the conversations I have had this morning on social media are anything to go by, how you deal with grief, and how long it affects you is very personal and individual, and there is a very wide range of ‘normal’.
Not to mention the fact that, for most of us, we don’t ever ‘get over it’, instead we have to adjust, get used to it, and incorporate it into our lives until it is just part of the fabric rather than the all-encompassing raw wound it begins as.
This post was shared in response to my question (I tried to reblog it but for some technical reason it wouldn’t do it). It gives an idea of the was grief affects our ability to perceive time, and why the timeline for grieving people could be completely different to non-grieving people.
I kind of wish I could just ‘get over it’ and feel normal again, but I’m not sure I ever will. Grief has changed me. In some respects I am the same person I always was but in other ways I am unrecognisable. I am unrecognisable to myself sometimes.
Ultimately though, I realised that it really isn’t a helpful thing to tell somebody how to feel. We feel what we feel.
That’s it, just a short post to share my thoughts today. I hope it helps somebody.