Fight or Flight: Star Trek Enterprise: Season 1, episode 3

I have just been looking at my various projects, blogs and websites, and I am embarrassed to realise that I have hardly written anything in the last year.

In my defense though, it has been an extraordinarily hard and painful year. A year of sheer torture would not be an exaggeration.

I applied for PIP, Personal Independence Payment, the welfare benefit for the disabled and chronically ill in the UK, in October of 2021, but at every stage of the process, I have been assaulted be official lies, inveigling, obfuscation and denial, despite a mountain of evidence, and so now finally I have a date for a Tribunal, more than a full year after my application.

‘Fight or Flight’ feels like a very apt title. It has been a battle, but I am so far beyond exhausted I can hardly describe how the process has added to my health struggle, both mental and physical. I am at the point where I just want it to be over and done with, for the torture to end. I almost don’t care at this juncture whether or not I win, I just need it to stop.

Summary of the Episode

The crew of the Enterprise NX-01 are starting out on their journey of exploration, and discover an abandoned alien spaceship containing corpses which had apparently been used by another alien species for some kind of experiment. It is all rather macarbre, and Lt. Hoshi Sato – the communications officer – is particularly freaked out by it and is embarrassed afterwards by her reaction.

If I recall correctly, a little space battle ensures because they have a bit of a failure to communicate with the aliens who come to investigate what has happened to their people, and they wrongly assume that Enterprise were the ones responsible for the carnage.

On the Bridge

When is it right to stand your ground and fight, and when is it safer to flee? Back here in the real world, I really don’t feel as though I have any choice but to fight on. If I were to withdraw my claim now, the last year of torture would have been in vain. It is just another week or two, and whatever the result, it will be over. I will be free. I will be able, finally, to relax.

LLAP

Broken Bow: Star Trek Enterprise season 1, episode 1 (Parts 1 & 2)

I am watching the first episode of Star Trek Enterprise, which was originally broadcast in 2001, but I think I must have originally seen it a few years later, since two youngest children were born in 2002 and 2003, and I remember leaving them with my husband while I went swimming before rushing back to see the episodes.

I developed M.E. after giving birth in 2003, but I had briefly bounced back at that time, and I remember aiming for 20 lengths. I haven’t been able to go swimming at all for the last few years, so I look back at the energy levels of that time enviously.

Synopsis of the Episode

[TLDR: The first Mission to explore Strange New Worlds and to Go Boldly Where No One Has Gone Before begins with an injured Klingon, and the introduction to the Suliban and the Temporal Cold War.]

Humans are on the edge of venturing out on their mission of exploration, having waited 100 years since First Contact with the Vulcans, who shepherd their space exploration programme, carefully limiting their access to their knowledge, expertise and technology.

Meanwhile, a Klingon male – Klaang – has been found, in a proverbial corn field, and has been shot by the farmer, and is in a critical state in hospital under the care of Denobulan doctor, Phlox. The Vulcans think that he should be allowed to die, as Klingon culture, like Viking Berserkers, values a heroic death. Captain Archer, son of the Warp 5 Engine designer, reminds them that “he’s not dead yet” and convinces his superiors to allow him to return him to the Klingon Empire, taking Phlox on as Chief Medical Officer.

Captain Archer goes out to convince his chosen communications officer, Hoshi Sato, to join the mission.

We see our first glimpse of the NX-01 Enterprise, and I know people have heavily criticised the series for so many things, but one of the things I always loved about it was the design of the ship, being very basic and obviously less technologically advanced than the original series.

It has been agreed that the Vulcan woman T’Pol will join Enterprise as science officer.

Admiral Forrest announces that the mission will begin, with the Vulcan ambassadors looking on, apparently less than impressed. He plays an excerpt from a video of Zephram Cochrane giving a rousing speech about the future of space exploration, which gave me goose pimples!

What I think nobody realises at this stage is that Klaang was chasing some other aliens, who are not friendly and definitely up to something, and don’t want Klaang to be returned to his people.

There’s a scene where Trip (Chief Engineer) and * (Pilot) are messing about and talk about one particular alien race whose women have 3 boobies, which rather unfortunately sets the tone a bit for how women are treated throughout the series. “You can’t expect us to change overnight”, quips Archer, prophetically.

A little while after they set off, Klaang regains consciousness and Hoshi attempts to communicate with him, with difficulty, but it turns out he’s still delirious. This is another thing I love about Enterprise’s treatment of technology – the Universal Translator technology is in its infancy, and so Hoshi must use all her linguistic expertise to bridge the gap. I think it is very well done.

At this point, the power goes out and Hoshi spots a camouflaged alien on board. One of the aliens is shot and captured, but when the power and lights return, the other has captured Klaang and taken him off the ship.

T’Pol tries to tell Archer that, since they have lost Klaang, the mission is over and they should return home, and Archer tells her in no uncertain terms that he won’t do that.

Dr Phlox does an autopsy on the alien, a Suliban, who has apparently been extensively genetically engineered.

T’Pol goes on to irritate Trip and an argument ensues. She reluctantly tells them they need to head towards the planetary system of Rigel.

Meanwhile, Klaang is being questioned by the Suliban.

On arrival, the crew are confronted with cultures they don’t understanding, including a mother who is attempting to acclimatise her child to an oxygen atmosphere, which Tripp misinterprets as abuse.

Archer and Hoshi are searching for Klingons but find Suliban. Sarin, whose name they recognise from Klaang’s incoherent speech earlier, appears human but is a camouflaged Suliban. She kisses Archer, claiming that she has the ability to measure trust but only through close physical contact. (An ability they never feature again). She tells Archer that Klaang is carrying information crucial to the Klingon Empire, and alerts him to the ‘Temporal Cold War’, which is a theme that runs though the whole series.

A battle ensues, and Sarin is killed by the other, enemy, party of Suliban, and so Archer must try to find Klaang without her help. They eventually make it back to the shuttle and back to Enterprise.

Archer has been injured so T’Pol takes command of Enterprise, and Tripp expects her to take them back to Earth, since she was opposed to his plan, but she manages to track the Suliban ship.

Oh, and an infamous gratuitous sexy nakedness ‘Decontamination’ scene, where Trip and T’Pol have to rub decontamination lotion all over each other, all the while arguing about the mission. We get a few more of these throughout the series. I don’t particularly find them offensive but I do think that it didn’t do Enterprise any favours, as it’s one of the reasons people can’t take the series seriously, and I think it diminishes T’Pol’s acting abilities, as it did in Voyager with Seven of Nine.

We see the Suliban speaking to a shadowy figure, the Temporal Cold War Agent who gives him instructions from the far future, but we never discover who he is or anything much about him.

Enterprise eventually find a Suliban station, and after a brief skirmish, they capture a Suliban shuttlepod so they can get on to the station undetected. Detecting Klingon life signs, the dock as close as they can to where they think he is. They find and release Klaang and manage to communicate that they are there to rescue him. Archer sets a charge which releases all the shuttlepods so they won’t be able to easily detect them leaving, and Trip has to leave with Klaang while Archer stays on the station.

Archer stumbles upon the room in which the Suliban communicate with the future Temporal Agent. The room distorts time, so when the Suliban Silik shoots, Archer is able to move out of the way and after a tussle Enterprise uses the Transporter for the first time to rescue him.

They make it back to the Klingon Empire and return Klaang, so that he is able to bring them impormation stored in his blood which presumably brings the Empire back together.

In light of this, they are given orders to continue their mission of exploration. Phlox is to remain on board, and although T’Pol is expected to return to Earth, she agrees that it would benefit the mission if she stays.

On My Enterprise

So I said in my previous post that I could see medical parallels in Star Trek Enterprise, right from this first episode.

The first thing I can see is the way that the Vulcans are so willing to treat Klaang as if he were dead, assuming that he is going to die anyway. I have often felt as someone with the diagnosis of M.E. that it is such a dreadful diagnosis because you are almost literally left to suffer and die.

The only NHS treatment, of Graded Exercise Therapy, has been proved in many, many cases to be potentially very harmful, leaving people who were only slightly disabled up until that point, in a severely disabled condition afterwards. There are helps and supports available, but unless you know the right things to ask for and the right people to approach, and unless you have an advocate fighting for you, you are very much left to the vagaries of the disease.

The second thing that jumps out at me is Phlox. It took a remarkably unconventional and extraordinary doctor to speak up and reject the received wisdom and medical concensus, and allow Klaang the opportunity to recover under his exemplary care. Oh that there existed more doctors like him!

My current GP is absolutely wonderful, but I had 3 doctors over a period of 10 years who were absolutely dire, and were completely willing for me to suffer while telling me I was ‘depressed’. The GP I had when I got ill actually suggested it looked like M.E. but then proceeded to tell me that she didn’t ‘believe’ in it, and so refused to diagnose it. I don’t currently have the energy to tell you what I think of her.

I am not sure whether or not I have quite managed to do what I set out to do with this episode, but I quite enjoyed it so I hope you at least don’t hate it. I hope to watch and write some more, as energy allows.

If you would like to talk about any of the themes from this episode, or relating to living with chronic pain and illness, I would love to hear from you.

LLAP

Space: The Final Frontier

I can’t remember when I first decided to make my health page on facebook and my Twitter account – originally named ‘Health Shmi’ for the character of Shmi Skywalker in Star Wars – into Star Trek-related projects, but I liked the image and concept of Riaan’s pre-warp Apothecary in the epsiode Civilisation and the idea of loving and waiting for the high tech medical solutions of science fiction, but having to make do, for now, with ‘herbs’, and barbaric, backward 21st century medicine.

When I first had the idea of writing a specifically Star Trek Enterprise-related blog, I didn’t think there would be much health and medicine material to link to my 21st century issues, but I was wrong. Watching again, I find that there are multiple health and medical issues right there in episode one of season one.

So, as always, I can’t promise to write quickly or regularly, but I will endeavour to start, so please watch this space and if you have any ideas or suggestions, please let me know in the comments!

As with all my projects, this blog, page and Twitter account are hobby projects and sadly not money-spinners, although it would obviously help me if I were able to create something that produced an income, for obvious reasons. Again, if you have any ideas or suggestions relating to the relevant topics, I’d be pleased to hear from you.

LLAP

(I usually sign my blogs as Kathryn or Kira, but I think I may adopt the resident Vulcan of Enterprise for the purposes of this blog)

T’Pol x

Update and Writing Plans

Since I last wrote, life has gone on, with the typical regular health ups and downs, I think my last additional diagnoses were ADHD (a semi-formal diagnosis that needs to be confirmed by a Psychiatrist) and Histamine Intolerance, both in 2018.

For a while I was able to improve both my mental and physical symptoms by sticking to a very restrictive diet which limited my exposure to histamine in foods. However the improvement was short lived since it worked out to be a rather expensive (mainly meats) diet that I simply could not afford to follow in the long term. Additionally, I discovered that I would still get a flare-up of symptoms even on the most restricted diet, suggesting that the issue with histamine was not only the histamine which I would consume but also the amount of histamine the body creates and releases. Things like cold, heat, emotional upset or worry, monthly hormonal changes etc would cause a flare-up even without consuming histamine. So I abandoned the diet after about 18 months.

The last 18 months or so have of course been living with Lockdown due to Covid-19 pandemic conditions. I found my anxiety (and as a result all my other symptoms) soared while husband was working from home (but he is a key worker in a school and so that phase did not last too long). I’m not very high risk but I am at risk and so have effectively been sheltering throughout, although now I am double-vaxed it is probably not strictly necessary. Who can say how much anxiety and agoraphobia’s roles are contributing to my impulse to stay at home?

More recently, my youngest son has been diagnosed with Type1 (autoimmune) Diabetes to join his brother who was diagnosed, age 10, in 2012. He was rushed into hospital in DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis) and was admitted but, since he was just over 18 and therefore technically an adult, he only stayed for one night and another day, unlike his brother who was in hospital for 8 days learning how to manage his condition. The staff were all wonderful and kind and I would not want to fault anybody, except for the fact that he was discharged from hospital without his life-saving kit, and without any instructions on how to stay alive! Even for adults, this is not acceptable so we have had to make an official complaint simply to make sure it doesn’t happen to anybody else. If he wasn’t coming home to a family with T1D experience who knew the kit he needed and how to manage his blood sugar, he would have ended up right back in A & E, or worse of course, he could have died.

Needless to say, my anxiety has soared again to ridiculous levels, which had kick-started insomnia, OCD, and PTSD symptoms again. I have been searching for private counselling or therapy locally without success, and in the meantime I have signed up with Outlook South-west for Mindfulness and subsidised talking therapy (called ‘Low Cost Counselling’), after making it very clear that I did not think that CBT was appropriate for me (the only thing really available on the NHS).

With regard to physical diagnoses, my neurologist sent me for a head and spine MRI to rule out a Chiari malformation or a tethered cord, linked to my bike accident in 1983, but I have just had the results of that scan this morning which state that everything looks ‘normal’, there is no indication of MS and thus. at this stage it is ruled as a ‘Functional Neurological Disorder’; that is, neurological symptoms that have no obvious cause. I have asked for the scan to be passed to an Orthopedic surgeon just to make sure, but I don’t know if they will be willing to do that. I does seem that, on the NHS, you don’t actually have any definite right to a second opinion.

Really and truly, it is a good result – I don’t want to have structural issues with my brain or spine, I’m glad that I am not dealing with MS. However, the ‘functional’ reality is that people with ME (which really is the umbrella term for all my symptoms, physical and neurological) is that we are often even more practically disabled than people with MS and get considerably less help. Having no explanation for it all makes it worse in so many ways – there is no treatment (other than the ones that have been proven to make the condition worse), and too often, doctors and medical professionals treat us like malingerers or hypochondriacs. It adds so much more unnecessary stress.

Additionally, I am now trying to manage the health conditions of 3 of my children who are still at home – the 2 with Type 1 Diabetes, one of whom has an as yet unexplained Gastro-related condition which could be Crohns (since 2 other men in my family have Crohns), and the third, now adult, child is Trans and has been on the waiting list for the gender clinic at the Laurels in Exeter, for 2 years without even an initial consultation. This is a battle in a bigger war, and I am grateful for those who are tirelessly fighting for patients’ rights to adequate Trans Healthcare, but the reality is that getting the help we need is nowhere on the horizon. I saw a post on Twitter that suggested that, at the rate the Laurels are seeing patients, you’d have to wait 31 years to get the help you need.

Honestly, it’s all a bit much. I’m not getting the help I need, and neither really are any of my children. I am incredibly grateful for the NHS but I’m also so incredibly sick and tired of having to fight the system when I am already unwell. I wish I had an advocate, but I don’t.

Needless to say, I am coping only by means of Star Trek and humour.

I am right now in the process of trying, once again, to apply for benefits (despite being ill since at least 2003 and unable to work, I have never received a single penny in benefits to which I really ought to be entitled). It is a soulless, brutal process I could do without having to fight, but I have no choice.

I came to write this update today because I need to produce ‘evidence’ of how my health condition and disability affects me, and so I thought that writing a diary here would be something I could try.

As usual, I cannot promise to write regularly simply because I am so weighed down by everything and overwhelmed. But I am going to try.